My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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