I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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