Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
