So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
