Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
