Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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