i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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