true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
