she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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