So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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