just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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