How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
