Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
