Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
