How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
