Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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