She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
