If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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