What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
