Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
