glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
