I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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