If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
