Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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