last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
