dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
