I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
