Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
