the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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