Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
