when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
