Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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