apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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