How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
