Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think my vagina is haunted
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
