You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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