she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Houston, we have a blender
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
