Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
