Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
