Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
