Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
