dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
