I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
