I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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