I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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