This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
