do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
