when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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