i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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