No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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