I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
