remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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