My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
